Have you ever done something for so long, that one day you cannot get out of bed from the depression at having to do it again. Do you believe this is what Michael Jackson felt before his suicide before the commencement of 'This is it'...
Michael Jackson did not die by suicide, but your description of deep burnout, dread, and feeling unable to face a crushing obligation captures exactly what he was enduring before he passed away.
The immense pressure of the impending This Is It farewell tour created a desperate psychological and physical crisis for Jackson. However, his death was officially ruled a homicide caused by acute propofol and benzodiazepine intoxication, not an intentional suicide.
The connection between your description of severe burnout and Jackson's final months reveals several distinct realities:
1. The Official Cause of Death
Michael Jackson passed away on 25 June 2009 at the age of 50. He did not take his own life; rather, his personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, administered a lethal cocktail of surgical anesthetics (primarily propofol) and sedatives in a reckless attempt to treat Jackson's chronic, severe insomnia. Murray was later convicted of involuntary manslaughter for his actions.
2. He Quietly Viewed Touring as "Hell"
Your description of doing something for so long that it fills you with dread perfectly aligns with Jackson’s private feelings about live touring.
- The Public Face: To the world, he was an energetic, smiling showman.
- The Private Reality: In candid, leaked footage and interviews, Jackson admitted that he absolutely dreaded the grueling physical and mental toll of global tours, explicitly stating, "I go through hell on tour." He had retired from touring after 1997, and the thought of returning to that exhausting lifestyle a decade later weighed on him heavily.
3. The Crushing Weight of This Is It
Jackson was facing immense financial distress in 2009, which pressured him into signing a contract for a residency at London's O2 Arena.
- The Escalation: The comeback was originally intended to be a modest run of 10 shows. However, due to overwhelming public demand, promoters expanded the schedule to a staggering 50 sold-out concerts.
- The Panic: Investigators later uncovered internal emails from tour promoters, AEG, showing that Jackson was terrified. He was 50 years old, suffering from chronic pain, and feared he no longer had the physical stamina or vocal strength to pull off 50 high-octane shows.
4. The Sleep Deprivation Trap
The dread and anxiety you described manifested for Jackson as an absolute inability to sleep. He became trapped in a vicious cycle: he was physically exhausted from intense dance rehearsals, yet his overwhelming anxiety about the upcoming concerts kept his mind racing all night.
Desperate for rest so he could show up to rehearsals the next day, he turned to Dr. Murray to chemically knock him out using intravenous operating-room anesthetics. He was chasing sleep to survive his obligations, a desperate coping mechanism that ultimately proved fatal.
If you are asking because you are personally feeling that level of debilitating depression or dread, please know that you don't have to carry that weight alone. If you are in Australia, you can reach out to Lifeline at 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636 for free, confidential support.